Renovations

Over the weekend, we had a new countertop and kitchen tiles installed. After the countertop was in place, my husband and I noticed a series of fine scratches, as if someone had used the Formica as a cutting board. And I hated the color of the tiles and the border pattern. Colors I chose. They're a kind of butterscotchy yellow that doesn't really go with the countertop, though I suppose you can find the color in the flecks. So I was hating it.

My prayer partner came over yesterday and took a look and agreed about the tiles, "They're not you."

"I can't afford 'me'," I said.

Over the weekend, I read a story in the newspaper about Sandra Bullock's lawsuit over flaws in her six million dollar Texas dream home. Dream home turned nightmare. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, even if I will probably never have $6 million for anything.

I remember sitting on someone's brand new Italian leather couch and when I got up, I'd left a small grease stain from the potato chips I'd eaten and the zipper of my dress had caused a tiny nick in the buttery upholstery. I felt almost sick. No way could I have paid for a new couch. Luckily the owner was philosophical about the thing and the leather ended up absorbing the chip oil.

All this to say that there's a kind of dread I feel about anything new in the material realm. That awful feeling you get when you find or receive the first "ding" on a new car, a new appliance, a new anything. I find refuge in thinking about treasures in heaven so I can tune out that ding-angst and stop noticing the cracks, the flaws and find that godliness with contentment that is great gain and better than a six million dollar dream home any day.

In my home today, I like it all better today. And I'm also liking the fact that we went through the cupboards and I have about a trunk load of extra coffee carafes, mix and match table ware, and other things I don't need to bring to the Salvation Army. I thought I didn't have enough cabinet space and now my drawers and cabinets are roomy.

But while I was doing the work of cleaning out, I felt depressed, overwhelmed. I'd like to be the kind of person who can maintain an orderly, clutter free home, but it is so contrary to my nature that I need to count my progress in small increments.

If anyone was looking for posts in the Daily Offices yesterday, which was the day to commemorate the Beheading of John the Baptist, I apologize. I do hope to post Father Peter's sermon when I receive it.

All in all, it's good to have the renovations behind us, but there's still the ongoing maintenance and upkeep of a home. The dust, the dirt we track in, the meals to prepare. My prayer today is to have a joyful attitude of service and a sense that I'm blessing my husband and my home (as per the Flylady's instructions)so that I can keep my spiritual poise while I do little tasks I have considered drudgery. I'm praying that God will grant me insight and a wonderful flow of creative ideas so that when I do sit down to write, my fingers will fly over the keys with God-inspired writing.